Category Archives: Humor

Kiefer Sutherland’s 24 Season 8 Sucks

If you thought season 7 of the TV show 24 was bad…season 8 is even worse.  It starts with the cast and the horrible acting on that show.

Freddie Prinz Jr?  Great NY accent!…I mean you really nailed that down.  You would think they could find a really good actor to play opposite Kiefer for all the action scenes.  But we are stuck with this piece of crap

Annie Wersching?  You brought her back?  One face?  You can’t bring back one face…you just can’t do it.  That Renee Walker character is not interesting at all and I’m sure everyone was hoping the Russian was going to just end her appearances on the show.  Unless, they Tony’d her which would be even worse.  Her showing up on this season just proves that everyone has mailed it in this season.

Cherry Jones as the president.  Please Please let’s see the Vice President so there is hope that she falls into a coma or something.  I can’t take her fake accent anymore!  I am to the point of fast forwarding through her scenes.

Hey I have an idea!  Let’s get a guy from India to play the president of Iran!  I know they don’t call it Iran but everyone knows that’s what they mean.

Jurgen Prochnow – the bad guy from Beer Fest!  I can’t take anything he says seriously and they actually call him “pa pa” in this show and in Beer Fest they called him “grandpa pa”.  You can’t make stuff like this up.

Alright I can’t think about this cast anymore so let’s move on to the creative plot that we have this year.

Who cares what happens to Dana Walsh?  These idiot writers introduced her story way way too early before any of the viewers had any attachment to her.  You introduce a side story like this after she has done something to build loyalty.  Right now..does anyone care if she gets fired?  She doesn’t do anything special.  I don’t care.  It reminds me of the time they had Jack’s daughter afraid of wolves or coyotes while there was a nuclear threat going on….

Peace Talks – does it really matter if we suspend the peace talks for a few days or a week?  I’m not buying the urgency here at all.  And the president keeps referring to the “region” when talking about this peace deal but it’s only with one country.  I guess you could make the case that the US occupies the rest of the countries in the region.  And does anyone really believe the president would urge another head of state to come back to the peace talks after he was almost killed?

And now she doesn’t want him to round up the people who tried to kill him?  Umm…ok.  “You guys almost got me…come and give me a hug”

Russian Bad Guys – they really had the Russian guy drinking vodka…they did do that!  I saw it.  Then they had the Russian whores, the tatoos…I smell a Russian roulette scene coming up very soon.

How come the Russian sons don’t have Russian accents?  And is there anyone alive who didn’t know the older son was going to drive straight to the doctor?

CTU – does anyone know what it is that they do now?  It looks like they have a boss, some computer people, Freddie Prinz, and tactical teams.  Oh and some drones that fly over NY airspace (sure).  I can’t figure out exactly who actually does anything over there…so far they have had two people walk in off the street and they are the one’s running the most important mission right now.  Don’t you think they would have field op’s that do this sort of thing all the time and would be pissed off that two people that don’t even work there are in charge on the ground?

Jack Following the car with Renee in it?  Two problems here:  one Jack shouldn’t be that stupid to follow the car immediately without thinking it could be a trick.  Two, if the Russians did set that up then don’t you think they would have been looking out the window to see if someone fell for the trick?  It was a dark alley…I think they could tell as soon as headlights came on.  All Russians should be upset at this portrayal of stupidity.

And why would the Russians smuggle uranium into the US of all places?  and how are they going to get it out?

Please make this the last season…end it already

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Brad Johnson Should Start Over Tony Romo

I’m serious.  Look at what everyone is saying about Brad Johnson’s dominating pre season performance:

2. Brad Johnson. Can we now leave Brad Johnson alone? Finished two scoring drives including a long pass play.

Leave him alone?  Give him the starting job!  And look what Spagnola has to say over at dallascowboys.com

Johnson was razor sharp, and against the Broncos’ first-team defense, mind you, completing nine of 12 passes for 114 yards and one touchdown.

To those who say his arm is shot, we give you the mighty fine 37-yard pass to Austin streaking down the right sideline. To those who say he won’t hang in the pocket, we give you the perfectly thrown five-yard fade to Austin for a touchdown. And for those who wanted to insist after the San Diego game that he is so old he can’t make good decisions anymore, we give you the 11-yard pass to tight end Martellus Bennett, a nine-yarder to Isaiah Stanback and the six-yarder to Tony Curtis, showing he’s patient enough to take what the defense during a two-minute drill will give him.

I mean even Tony Romo gets into the act:

Tony Romo did, coming up from behind the team’s oldest player, throwing his arms around his 39-year-old shoulders, and with the biggest smile you’ve ever seen proclaim, “That’s 2001 right there; that’s Brad Johnson 2001.”

Romo spoke of his immediate backup, the soon-to-be 40-year-old quarterback who had a vintage year in 2001, leading his Tampa Bay Buccaneers to the Super Bowl title, basically playing the same style of football then as so many are quick to criticize and want to retire him for now.

Brad Johnson is the only answer to the question “which QB can lead the cowboys to the super bowl”?  Don’t believe me?  Are you a Brad Johnson Hater/Doubter?  Then check out these stats:

Brad Johnson has a career passer rating of 83.1 (one year it was as high as 92.9!)…what’s Romo’s you ask?  A pathetic 96.5(worthless) and he’s already got almost 2 years of playing experience.  And Brad Johnson is clearly the more accurate passer (even though he only throws downfield and never dump offs) with a career mark of 61.8 compared to Romo’s erratic 64.4.  How Does Dallas expect to win anything with Romo?

Let’s talk TD’s.  Johnson once threw 26 TD’s in one year!  One freaking year!  So he threw 21 picks also…still 26!  Romo barely topped 35 TD’s last year.    Also, Brad knows how to get the ball downfield and show off his rocket arm with a career avg of 6.7 per attempt while Romo with his weak girly arm is afraid to go down the field and dumps the ball off at 8.3 per attempt.   You starting to get on the Brad Johnson express?

It’s pretty clear that Brad Johnson can not only still play in the NFL (he dominates in the pre season)but he just opened up an old fashioned can of quarterback controversy in Dallas (Hogeboom?).  Dallas can continue to sputter along with Romo or they can take a chance on the 39 year old young rocket arm of Brad Johnson.

My name is Brad,  Brad Johnson.

I keep the ladies in the 90’s, Cravin.

Who’s That Rocking the Spot,(It Brad Johnson)
Who’s that keepin it hot,(I’m Brad Johnson)
Who’s That Bringin the pain,(It’s Brad Johnson)

Associated Press = Morons

Check out this great story on Elton Brand opting out of his contract.

And here is the part to pay attention to before they change it:

The Los Angeles Times reported earlier in the day that Brand’s teammate, Corey Maggette, filed the paperwork to opt out of his deal.

Brand played in only eight games last season because of a knee injury. In nine seasons with the Bulls and Clippers, Brand has averaged 20.3 points and 10.2 rebounds per game.

A knee injury?  Really?  You sure it wasn’t a RUPTURED ACHILLES TENDON????

Sloppy reporting and just plain moronic.  And I don’t care when they correct it because it should never have made it out of the editing room.

Lazy Marketing

On Sunday, HBO decided to air this double feature.  Dennis Rodman's Movie

Vanilla Ice's Movie

This is a “premium” channel that I pay for.  Seriously?  How lazy are the people at HBO?  I expect this lineup from G4 or something but I get this on HBO.   It’s bad enough that stupid “Epic Movie” is on 25 times a week but you give me Dennis Rodman  and Vanilla Ice on a weekend…On a freaking weekend! 

I should get a refund for the entire year.  And for anyone who thinks that it would be funny to actually watch those movies…just sit through either one for more than 5 minutes…the novelty wears off fast and you are just hoping someone walks in with a shotgun to put you out of your misery.   But, then you think to yourself…if I die then then last thing I’m going to remember is Dennis Rodman and Vanilla Ice.  Please.  Don’t let it end this way. 

I hate you HBO.  I really hate you. You ruined my life with your Sunday lineup.

SEO: Image Alt Tag Keyword Stuffing

Gotta love image alt tag stuffing.  How did this ever sound like a good idea to these cheaters?

And if you take the time to read some of the text, they not only stuff every sentence with keywords but it’s impossible to read through without taking a knife to your wrist.  How can you put up crap like that and be happy?  I hope these guys are raking in the dough because that’s the only way you could possibly justify crap like that.

Tell Google what you think of them.

Quick NCAA Tournament Thoughts

If you are an NBA homer or just want to get jazzed up then check out Rosen’s article on how the NBA is sooo much better than NCAA.  Of course Rosen is just talking out of his ass so who cares.  College Basketball is much better than the NBA and this year’s tourney has been great so far. 

My quick thoughts:

  • A & M…soo close.  I can’t believe chunky Love hit that last fade-away. 
  • Who knew Del Curry’s son could shoot?  Shocking, right?  How many will he put up today?
  • I hate the Lopez brothers.  I don’t know why.  It’s like a cross between Noah and Neitzel.   And why do they have girls names?  I know there has to be some explanation but Robin and Brook?  Can’t root for you guys. 
  • The Longhorns are in trouble if Augustin gets into foul trouble.  They don’t have anyone to handle the ball other than him.  Mason and Abrams try but they can’t handle the pressure. 
  • I am so happy Duke lost.  I wish they would have lost in the first round.  I hate all Duke players past and present.  Enjoy watching the rest of the tournament. 
  • Why do I hate Duke so much?  Who cares, they suck.
  • Lose Arkansas.  Please Lose today.  I hate the beard
  • Tough loss UCONN.  AJ can play and that loss cost you a chance to move on.  and busted everyone’s bracket.
  • Memphis’ defense is still bad and UT Arlington couldn’t have played any better.  It’s amazing that they kept it that close without hitting 3 pointers.  That’s usually what keeps small schools in the game but UTA did it by going inside. 
  • Ian Eagle.  Ian freaking Eagle.  So close.  Can we get “Chappy Sinclair” for one game?  Is that too much to ask?

NBA = Joke

With all the trades going it has become clear that this league is a joke.  Let’s examine why the NBA sucks:

  • Guaranteed Contracts:  Socialism 101!   same argument made against Socialism, can be made here.  There’s no motivation for these guys because they are guaranteed their salaries no matter what.  If someone told me my salaray was guaranteed for the next 6 years…what motivation do I have to do the little things to stay on top of my game.  It’s 6am in August, what is going to make your average NBA player get up and work on their dribbling? 

This is one of my favorite stories to suppor this argument.  Ron Mahay was a pitcher for the Texas Rangers who got a 2 year contract and got complacent in his off season workouts.  2 years!  that’s it, that’s all it took.    So imagine guys on 4 and 5 or even 6 year deals. 

Mahay, who signed a two-year contract at the end of 2004, said he simply grew content with his workout schedule after getting the security of a multiyear deal. That led to a poor spring training, during which his velocity dipped into the mid-80 mph range. He never caught up during the season.

“You have to continue to have a work ethic,” said Mahay, whose fastball has jumped back to the 90-91 mph range. “This winter, I took a lot of things to heart. I didn’t take anything for granted. You have to continue to have a work ethic. My mistake was that I got complacent.”

  • Buyouts:  not only do these guys get guaranteed contracts but now they are negotiating buyouts to get off losing teams and onto winning teams.  Damon Stoudamire recently went from being a captain of a team to negotiating a buyout.  That’s just great team leadership.  The Mavericks are trying to trade Jerry Stackhouse to New Jersey…then have him negotiate a buyout and sign him again.  That make sense to anyone?  The NBA needs to bar guys who get buyouts from signing with another team that season…you negotiate a buyout…you sit out the rest of the year. 
  • Players Demanding Trades:  Hey Jason Kidd you signed with New Jersey.  You took the money and stayed in Jersey and now you want out because your team is losing and you are unhappy.  You whiny baby…grow up and deal with it like a man.  Michael Pietrus you demanding a trade?  So you got a one year 3.5 million deal…yeah that sounds terrible and on top of that you say you can’t wait 3 more months to be a free agent you have to be one right now!    And your desire to be closer your home in the French Caribbean…is just laughable.  You are getting paid millions of dollars for playing basketball half the year!  3 hours closer to your home is that big of a difference?

So if you ignore everything else about the NBA and just think about those 3 things it’s not hard to determine that the product out there is not nearly as good as it could be.  Players have little incentive to play as hard as they can and they know they can always force their way out of a situation that doesn’t suit them.  This produces whiny players such as Kidd and Pietrus and even recently Devean George whose case is even stranger.  He wanted a trade and then once he got traded decided it wasn’t for him and blocked it. 

Genius.  You can have your socialist NBA.